Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Randomize
