well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
