At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
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