We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
