i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
