Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
