I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
