there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
