After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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