Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Randomize
