ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Randomize