The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize