google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
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