so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
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