Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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