the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Randomize