pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
