benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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