Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
