i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
