you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
