WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
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