you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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