Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(205): View more from Alabama

I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.

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(865): View more from Tennessee

Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.

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(208): View more from Idaho

i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.

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(763): View more from Minnesota

Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.

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(443): View more from Maryland

When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.

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