I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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