I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
