I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Randomize
