Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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