My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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