you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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