I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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