I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
