guys are not supposed to queef...right?
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
