And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
