my room smells like sperm. sweet.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
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