I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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