whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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