Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
