I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize