Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
my liver is dry heaving
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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