I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
