Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
