he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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