9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
