Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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