Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I'm sobbing to NWA
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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