I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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