So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
