Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
