I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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