Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
