I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Randomize
