We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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