Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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