just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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