I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
