oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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