don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
How's work?
Spinning.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Randomize
