we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize