Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
