I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I want her autograph on my taint
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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