I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
