i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
