i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
