i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
